Friday Fishbird Flicks 📽 – wherein I watch a movie that everyone has already seen, and talk very briefly about it so we can get on with other things 🤩.
Tonight I watched “Dracula 2000”, filmed – wait for it – in the year 2000, starring Gerard Butler, Christopher Plummer, Justine Waddell and Jonny Lee Miller.💀🧛♂️
I gave this fang fest 5 Fishbirds out of 10.
The movie opens on a ship crawling with rats. Now this doesn’t seem spooky to me, rather it speaks to the laziness of the onboard vampire. This lack of vampiric attention to detail continues through the film, with ‘corpses’ still pretty full of blood. Finish your dinner, Dracula!
One of the burglars that releases Drac from his silvery coffin, was Omar Epps who played Dr Foreman in ‘House’ and so for the first third of the movie I could be forgiven for thinking everyone just had a bad case of lupus.
Also, when you’re sealing Dracula in a coffin – why would you make the key to opening it, blood?? He LOVES blood! His dry ice deoderant would attract blood like … well … blood to a Dracula! Why not seal it with garlic? You can get a whole tube from Coles for $3!
It was lovely to see a young Nathan Fillion making an appearance as a priest, but his character seemed to serve no purpose other than to make me go ‘hey, there’s Nathan Fillion’.
The scariest thing in the movie was not Dracula or the waste of Nathan Fillion’s talent, but the Virgin music shop. Egads! What barbarians we were before Spotify! The Virgin advertising was hilariously saturated in early scenes & Richard Branson must have gotten a whole stack of blood-filled leaches for his sponsorship dollars.
I was grateful that Dracula was basically a toothy Neil Gaiman, as poor Christopher Plummer was pretty useless as an octogenarian action hero. I thought his wrists were going to snap whenever he hoisted his olde worlde revolver.
It also skeeved me out a bit when Drac and Mary started smooching – isn’t he kind of her dad??
Anyway, feel free to watch this movie with your gran – if your gran doesn’t mind a few boob shots now and then (she won’t) – it’s not spooky and your gran might be able to explain to you why nobody’s using their mobile to make Dracula an Instagram account.
I paired this movie with a few glasses of Petaluma Hanlin Hill Riesling & wondered why I wasn’t drinking a red. 🎥🎞