Accommodation Review : Mercure Hotel – Canberra, ACT

In mid-April this year, I boarded a sky tube and stayed one night in Canberra at the Mercure Hotel 🙂

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View of the land from the sky tube. Could have taken a photo with daylight, but I was far more interested in flagging down the stewardess and getting my free soy crisps and warm orange juice.

I was on a work trip, so expenses (flights and accommodation) were paid for.

Looking back, I didn’t take any photos of the outside of the accommodation. But to be fair, everyone knows that taking pictures of the front of your hotel is a sure way to invite disaster and poltergeists into your life. Especially if you’re only staying one night.

Also, most of the time I was outside the hotel, I had my suitcase with me and it was awkward for me to wave my phone about and take a selfie with a building while wheeling my pyjamas.

notminemercure
Not my picture. This is taken directly from the internet, just to give you an idea of what the hotel looks like in real life. Picture me standing in front of it, paying a taxi and knocking my shins with my luggage as I hefted it up those stairs.
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The television in my room, welcomed me with details about itself and the surrounds.

On arriving, there’s an olde-worlde feel. I could sense John Howard – or his historical time-travelling twin – passing buggy laws in the distance.

Reception was friendly and helpful, even when I did an awkward dance between the ‘Ordinary’ and ‘Priority’ check in desks. I’m never quite sure sure how fancy I am, and who should get to serve me.

Turns out I was a priority, because I was the only one there.

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View of my room for the night.

I was allotted room 142, and with the aid of a map, Reception Guy (not his real name) showed me that my destination was up two short flights of stairs.

I’d booked into a Standard Room, and the living area was spacious and traditionally furnished. The room definitely had a Heritage feel, with a high ceiling and plenty of space for a silent disco … or a quiet Netflix binge.

A work desk was positioned near the window for all my roof staring needs.

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Sorry Netflix, I’ve got a lot of roof staring to do from my business desk!
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View from the window. The Government don’t even bother to disguise their listening devices any more.

An express check out info sheet was on the work desk, but I didn’t want to touch it. Someone had eaten their dinner on it, or used it to squash bugs 😦

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Mysterious sheet gunk does not make a great first impression.

Obviously there was some kind of paper saving push on, as the Breakfast Menu card was also a bit mucky.

The previous guest has decided at the last minute that they could make their own food, and scratched their name out.

“No need for breakfast delivery, Mavis! We can eat dry cornflakes out of our travel mugs for FREE!” — (imagined half-conversation from previous guest).

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I imagine if you pronounced their name, it would sound like a mouth full of gravel.

There was a cabinet sitting in the corner of the room. I kept my cardigan on when I opened the doors, just in case of Narnian adventures.

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What’s inside? A forgotten kingdom? A case of stolen jewels? A previous guest? No! None of those things! Your guesses are off track and ridiculous!

Turns out the cupboard is responsible for hiding your coke.

Not drug coke … well … the fizzy bottled kind. Also some of those awesome (not) small Anchor long life milk cups that make my eye twitch with full-sized milk dreams.

Tea and coffee fixings were provided – however the only coffee I got was decaf. Perhaps after my reception dance, they decided to limit my caffeine intake?

On a side note – has anyone noticed that when you open up a little UHT milk, it sounds like a velociraptor baby mewling for its breakfast?

Well it does.

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Here are things that you can consume. I definitely ate that overpriced kitkat.

Ok, so the biggest issue I had with the room was with the bed.

The bed was comfortable and I had a reasonable nights sleep – at least until 4.45 am when I was woken up by the hotel fire alarm. No fire, thankfully. Just the smoke detector in the linen closet freaking everyone out.

Anyway … bed.

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The bed looked great from a distance. Just like Bette Midler tried to teach us all those years ago.

When I pulled the top covers down to check that the sheets were clean and there wasn’t a previous guest still in there – I noticed what appeared to be a collection of gross-lets-not-think-about-it marks on the linen.

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Not what I want my hotel sheet to look like.

On closer inspection, turns out the sheets weren’t stained. They were just barely sheets at all.

Surely some of my hotel check-in dollars, can go towards upgrading the linen from ‘ew ghost’ to ‘good host’?

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My actual hand seen through bed ghost sheet.

After “getting the sheets” with the linen, I looked closer at the pillows – one of which had a yellow mark on it that I did not want touching my face.

Thankfully there was a walk-in closet that held replacement pillows that were more presentable & I switched ol’ yella out.

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Put it on your face. Go on. It’s fine.

The bathroom was a good size, with clean towels. There was no hand soap though, so I had to use shower gel when washing my hands at the sink.

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A bathroom with all you need to clean yourself. Toilet is next to the sink (not pictured) … (the toilet is not pictured) … (the sink is clearly pictured, just badly worded.)

The shower was large, with enough room to recreate that dance party from earlier. An older showerhead meant that no politician was trying to restrict my water pressure.

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Stand here and pretend you’re in a waterfall. A hot one. With taps.
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Accommodation bathroom mirror selfie. Hello, past me! Why has it taken you two months to do this review? Watching too much YouTube? Yeah, me too.
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No hand soap meant I had to use this squeezy delight.

As I’m a human with food needs – and also one that doesn’t like to walk anywhere – I ordered some room service for dinner.

I got the Hokkien Noodle Stir Fry. It was ok. $20. A steak sandwich would have set me back a cool $25.

The cooked breakfast was $28 and cornflake continental for $23 so I could understand why the previous guest had opted out.

For those playing along at home, I ate a muesli bar and some left over Kit-Kat for breakfast, with some decaf coffee – mmm cheap.

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I’d eat this again. Or would I? Hmm … maybe I’d spring for that steak sammy.

But how many creep hatches were there in the room, I hear you ask?

These many …

 

So to sum up, my stay at the Mercure was not fantastic. But it was also not terrible. It was warm and dry and the people were nice.

  • Price Point : As at June 2019, looks like a Standard room runs for approx $170 to $200 p/night. Again, I stayed here on a work trip so the cost of my accommodation was kindly covered by my employer.
  • Cleanliness : Hmmm … well it wasn’t dusty. The marks on the menu and check in/out info sheets, didn’t leave a great impression. There were also some marks on the back of the bathroom door that I tried not to think about. I’m sure the sheets were clean, but the fact that they were so worn was not encouraging.
  • Cosiness : Reasonably cosy – though the hotel alarm going off in the early hours, didn’t make snuggling down an easy option. There was air conditioning to take the chill off & hot drink facilities provided.
  • Overall Fishbird Rating : 5 Fishbirds out of 10. I’d stay again if in a pinch, but would try somewhere else on my next visit to Canberra.

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